Seasons of Love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. 
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. 

What is it? Why is it that every time you start something new; you take that leap of faith into the unknown, you always end up feeling as if you have just spent the last week without sleep? What is it about new things? Is it because you stress when doing new things? Perhaps its because you need to invest more energy to begin with, like exercising; it hurts at the start, but then you get used to it resulting in your risen ability to manage your energy better. Or maybe, just maybe, its because you have to spend 3 hours a day travelling to and from this new thing…

Ive always seen myself as being pretty on top of everything when it comes to time management, I mean look at when I started the blog, smack bang in the middle of my HSC, yet I was still able to manage everything. So much so that I could study, rehearse, blog and sleep; AND still achieve highly. I think what has affected me so much is this new anomaly, this unthought of element to the situation, this extra factor. The train. Sure, I hear you say, ‘why cant you work on the train?’ Well I can, I am writing this very post on the train, sitting next to the human form of Adonis. (I keep making fleeting glances, just making sure that it isn’t my imagination that has conjured up this depressingly desirable demi god.)But with the train comes baggage, baggage that I have (rather unfortunately) been experiencing of late, such baggage as delays, and the horrid lack of seating. The past week I have spent all my train trips standing, I can assure you, it isn’t fun, and the most I have achieved while doing this is reading a paragraph(7 times). The main issue is that when standing, I cant get into my zone, I cannot focus, resulting in me reading a sentence, having absolutely no idea what I just read, thus re reading the sentence, then being asked how long it takes to get to Redfern, removing the said sentence from my mind, leading to a repeat of everything all over again!

These little occurrences have therefore made me alter my little schedule, now including alternatives. Things for me to do that don’t require much attention, energy, or focus skills For example, in the occurrence of no seating I will find one or two songs to add to my repertoire; I will text a friend who I haven’t seen in a while; I will make leisure time arrangements, etc. All very easy things, that when done, mean I don’t have to worry about later. If there is a real seat, then I do my subject readings, perhaps plan an essay, or maybe, hopefully, preferably, write a blog entry.

Therefore, in conclusion, lastly, with thanks(?)  :P I sincerely apologize for my lack of posting. I remember when I started the blog I always wanted to post once a day. It worked for the first few months, then my life became tragically busy. So now, I’m not making any promises, I will endeavor to post at least 2-3 times a week. I will however constantly update the ‘Musical Gallery’(Tumblr), just because it’s a little easier, and doesn’t require my brain too much. That way you can still get little insights into my mind. After all, pictures do speak a thousand words!



Beyond My Wildest Dreams

Look at it all, look how it gleams!
Lovely beyond my wildest dreams...
Look- it's him!
So handsome and refined and slim
Sweet, sincere
Magnificent from head to toe.

I am finding it physically impossible to wipe the smile from my face. Yesterday, I embarked upon my first official trip, as a Uni student to my chosen institution. Gah! It was perfect! Everything just went so well! All those little stresses; being late, getting lost, never happened.

Now, this week is what's known as O-Week. It is basically an orientation week that is filled with all the things that Uni is known for, mainly alcohol. Yesterday was a special day for first years. We were split into small groups with people who are doing similar subjects to us, and then led by a mentor, who was an older student doing similar classes. Our little group of six was made of Music students. All of them really lovely, and from all over the place as well. We then joined with another group, who was oddly the other end of the subject spectrum, they were Government kids. Nonetheless, they were equally as nice, and led by the epitomy of university male perfection. Most of the day was spent fawning over him, along with the rest of the group haha, which consisted of another gay guy, and the rest girls.

Smile is still firmly in place. I guess what was so nice about yesterday was that we met people, new people, people who we will recognise on campus. Thus the lonely kids like me who dont know anyone dont feel so excluded. I will go back up tomorrow I think, and watch some of the festivities on campus. They have stalls and shows, lots of activities going on. Our mentors also said that we will all try and have group gatherings throughout the week and semester. Exciting!

I forgot to tell you about our mentor! She was sooo so sooooooo lovely. A Jazz singer. Very sweet and caring. Its funny because the mentors were saying that they were also nervous, because they didnt want a weird group filled with awkward people. I guess they got the weird part, but good weird! Our groups were just a mash of so many different things, that just worked together perfectly. I love when that happens. When something surprises you. When something turns out to be precisely beyond your wildest dreams.

 



Nowadays

And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays!

Ive realised this week that thinking ahead is somewhat overrated. Sure, it helps you prepare and all that and I guess it is quite good in some regards, but really, what about the moment. The moment that your living in. I came to this sudden realisation today, when I was sitting in a state of contrast. I was stressing over the fact that I am starting Uni in 2 weeks (and its scariness), but I was also wishing that it would hurry up because I have been doing nothing! ...that's where it struck me. Im doing nothing. I have the next two weeks to relax before 3 of the most intense years of my life, (or so everybody says) why am I stressing and wishing that it would be over quicker!? Gah! Im weird. So, its time for me to forget about the immediate future. Relish in the beach and the friends that I have time to see. Excitedly, im going to an information night this evening for a musical called 'Company'.

Now I have never seen this musical, ive heard about it, and only a few songs from it, but I need to get my performance portfolio flowing. So I will take a little stroll down to the local theatre with one of my friends (well actually shes driving us, its about 20 mins down the road haha) and have a look at this here production. Ive done a bit of research on the show, and, to be frank, I only needed to learn that it was written by Stephen Sondheim to be interested (one of my very favourites). So, hopefully everything works out and I can do that! Im looking forward to performing this year. The same company is doing 'The Sound of Music' and 'Into the Woods'(which I mentioned in my last post), and ive seen them do some amazing shows in the past year. One of the best productions ive seen of 'A Chorus Line'. Its time to get my act together.

Im actually feeling really good! I have swam everyday, so my fitness goal for the year is on its way. I am attempting to do shows, so that will help my 'dancerfiedness'(I am copyrighting that word hahah), AND im talking to lots of people, so attempts at finding a boy for myself are occurring. Haven't found anyone quite right yet, but im trying. :) Sadly, I cant go to the blessed Mardi Gras this year. My finances just aren't in the right place. I have more important things to focus on anyway, like getting sorted for Uni and paying those fees, and purchasing those textbooks. I had such a good time last year, its a bit disappointing, but alls good! Positive attitude. Actually, I think im a bit of a hotel bargain hunter, mainly because before I decided not to go(this morning), I found the best deal in the city! At the Marriott Hotel Hyde Park, so literally right on Oxford Street. For me and 3 friends, it was $480, so $120 each. Such a good location and cost! But never mind! Maybe I have just helped someone else get some good accommodation. :)

So for the meantime, its time for me to just chill. Wow, 'chill'. Cant believe I just said that. Haha.



Prologue: Into the Woods

Once upon a time,

I wish...

I have heard of the most exciting news. One of my very favourite musicals, 'Into the Woods', is going to be made into a movie by Disney! Not an animation, thats what I first thought haha, but somthing similar to 'Sweeney Todd' or 'Chicago'. Excitingly, its being directed by the guy who did 'Chicago'. Therefore, I have decided it WILL be a hit. How could it possibly go wrong? Fairy Tales. Subversion. Singing. Beautiful music. Humour. A welcome mix!Funnily, this musical is also being done at my local Performing Arts Center. I certainly will be auditioning. It is truly magical. I know somewhere there is a dvd of the proffessional stage production, if you dont know the show, find it, watch it, embrace it, love it.

On a completely different note im really happy with my fitness progress. I am actually sticking with it. Haha. I decided that the routine I had previously made just wasnt working, I couldnt find the motivation to do that. So now I go down to the beach and swim laps in the ocean pool. I guess what makes me stick with this one isnt just the 'getting buff' effects, but also the waters effect on skin. Seawater is very good for clearing skin, and also quite good for hair. So now im helping my Vain side on numerous fronts! Its really weird because in the past few months I have had this sudden outburst of pimples, ewww I know, so I am trying everything  I can to get rid of them, because they are affecting two things. The first being my confidence, and second being my model ability. Now the last one may be a bit of a shock to you all, because I havent really indulged you with a picture of myself, or any descriptive words, because I want to keep anonymous. However, (Im trying to be really non up myself here, so bear with me) I have been told that I posses the perfect height (6'6") and face structure to have a successful career as a model. So for me to do that, I need to send away a few quick profile snaps to agencies, and then see where I go. The only problem is that I have been constantly overwhelmed with pimples. However, they are indeed getting better, so soon I will be able to apply.

If this works out, I will be happy on numerous fronts. It means that I am making some money, and leaving time to study and perform. That 'audition' period is still horribly scary. Sending away a photo of yourself to be judged by someone to say if your hot enough. Not looking forward to being knocked back, but I guess it will just be another learning curve. Lets me know that I definitely cant make it in the modelling career, and therefore can focus on Musical Theatre. I guess its just good to try new things.

Im still dreaming, wishing, trying, and doing; hopefully something exciting will happen soon!



First Midnight

The difference between a cow and a bean
Is a bean can begin an adventure...

 
Times in my household this week have become, quite suddenly, hard. With the current economic times; prices of food, petrol, etc; my lack of job; and continual abandonment of a father, it appears that sacrifices have to be made. I feel as if I am Jack, from Jack and the Beanstalk.
At this present stage it seems that I may have to give up singing lessons for a term, or more, depending on how long it takes to get a job (which, in itself is a battle). It seems that everywhere I apply just doesn’t want me. I’ve been trawling through ‘Seek’ daily, hourly sometimes; however nothing has come out of it. Furthermore, I have been nominated for a Canberra Amateur Theatre Award for my last role in a musical. I may not be able to go to the ceremony because travel and accommodation costs will most likely be too high. I also need textbooks and ideally a new laptop for University (my current one has a tendency to not turn on).
I do indeed receive Youth Allowance, but that all goes to mum, frankly because she needs it. So, to try and fix the immediate problems, particularly those of textbooks and singing lessons, I am selling away pieces of my childhood. I guess it’s alright, I mean most of the stuff I haven’t even looked at in the past year, but it’s still hard to see your possessions go. To see them be bought for a tenth of what you payed, and then taken into a possibly abusive home. For my entire life I have treated all my belongings with the uttermost care. I used to keep all the original boxes and I would never, EVER, break anything. Then again, they may be taken into a loving home, but in my current emotional state, that is the least likely.
I have also decided to add a ‘Donate’ button to my blog. Please, by no means feel pressured by its presence. I just thought that there may be some kind souls out there who would help keep my dreams afloat. I didn’t want to have my blog filled with meaningless Advertisements, so I thought this was a better alternative.
Im sure life will figure some way out of this. Im sure a job will finally accept me soon enough. Ideally millions of dollars could be won in the Lottery, but for now, these are just the little things that I have to do. Thankfully, I know not to accept any 'magical beans'.

The Only Exception

I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance,
and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
because none of it was ever worth the risk.

...but it is...It is worth the risk, its just that I never take it. Whenever I get close to someone, whenever I take that leap, a little voice always appears. Not a nice voice, infact an utterly horrible one. The type that makes you step back, to discontinue your pursuits, to make you feel small, and insignificant. I think this is what has ruled my life for too long, the little voice has led me in all the wrong directions. Always telling me that im not good enough, always pushing me back.

Im not content with loneliness, infact, I hate it! Yes, as you may have realised, this is going to be an 'oh the loneliness of my relationship barren life!' post, but it is just how im feeling at the moment. The weather recently has been crazy, funnily, its kinda been my favourite type of weather haha. Sunny one minute, raining the next. The other day I was caught out in the rain, but rather unusually, I didnt run to get undercover. Ive always been a bit of a hater of rain on clothing, its this weird OCD thing I used to have. However, this time, I stayed outside. Infact, I danced in the rain. Haha. Ive always thought that people were crazy when they said dancing in the rain was amazing, but truly, it was! I actually think that a perfect date for me would be to be stuck outside in the rain. To run madly in it, to dance, and to lie.

What is life trying to tell you when you start having these sudden changes in your self. Is it actually time that I block the voice? Well actually, it is certainly the time I block the voice. But is it time that I try harder? Ive always believed that things happen in mysterious ways, that if you are meant to be with someone, they will be placed with you, but maybe this is wrong. Maybe I should stop relying on fate, and just take the extra step. I think I need to, infact, I think I need to stop being so horribly depressing! Stop talking about things, and just do them! haha.

The World Has Gone Insane

The world has lost its head!
And every evil hour is filled with dread!
I'm floating on a lake - But upside down!
And when I try to breathe, I start to drown!

Firstly I am going to apologize for my lack of posting, unfortunately the hideous beast that is Optus has reared its horribly disgusting head, resulting in the household being without internet for the past few days. The worst part is that it wasnt our fault! We havent gone over our limit, they just decided to cut us off! Ahh well, after hours upon hours on the phone, hopefully, it has all been sorted out. Gah! If not, mother dearest has threatened going to a different provider haha.

This leads to my secondary discussion. The weight the Internet has on younger generations, and the incredible repercussions that occur from taking it away. I never thought of myself as being addicted to Internet, sure, I use it alot, but I always thought I could stop at any time. Well, the past few days have certainly taught me that I cannot. Luckily, I did have my iPhone, so I had some access, but the similarities that having no Internet, and say, giving up smoking, or getting off drugs was uncanny. I cant say that I know how either of these feel first hand, but through secondary viewing, I can certainly say that they are very similar. When something that you use, no, depend upon, suddenly vanishes, its as if you have unfinished business. Its as if you need it right at that moment that it stopped. You then gradually fall into this odd pit of mixed emotions, suddenly hanging from the happiest person in the world and then falling into the depths of the beast, you erupt into a horrid angry creature. This cycles a few times, occasionally with a little sadness mixed in. As time goes on, you get a grip on your emotions, putting yourself in an odd neutral state, and it is at this time that you forget that you can no longer use the gift of life, Internet. You see something on tv and wander over to the computer to do a little more research on Wikipedia, Oh!....Oh dear.....Thats right......ummm......sorry....Uh, yeah.....No Internet....Repeat emotional cycles.

It astounds me that this happens. That people can be so dependant on a technology, that they feel they need it! I think its the immediateness of its information, you want to know something, you look it up on the spot, you send an email, its there in a matter of seconds. Where you used to wait, go to the library, look it up in books; send a letter, wait a few days. This is actually a conversation a friend and I were having a few weeks ago, how because letters are such an anomaly these days, when you actually get one, it is sooo cool! It means that someone has spent the time writing to you, not using a word document, and wanting the letter to be something special to you. I find that letters are certainly a dying trend, and that is incredibly sad, because they usually are soo special. I still have a book full of letters I received when I was little from my Grandparents and friends. I remember the excitement of running to the letter box and realising there was something for you! People dont keep emails, and even if they do, it certainly isnt as special as holding it in the flesh.

In some cases, well most really, technology is a good thing, but it is the little things that I find it is abolishing. I think we need to remember them, even if it means sending a letter once a month, we cant let these past traditions fade. We cant let modern technology rule entirely.



For Good

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow.

It is such an amazing feeling when someone who was soo pivotal to your growing up comes back into your life. Its as if a piece of you that had been left behind has finally decided to catch up. As if your past, the good parts, is merging itself with the present. I went to bed smiling last night because of what happened, something that I havent done in months.

I will call her my sister, because, thats what she basically was. Our families were basically merged together, linked in numerous ways, so we grew up together. She is about five years my senior, and always used to look after me and take me on adventures. She is beautiful, tall, with exotic features of unkown origins. I knew when we were younger that she did a bit of modelling, but I found out last night that she does ALOT now haha. She taught me to believe, to allow my imagination to flow. I remember when I was young, she would take me to a park down the road and show me the fairies. On special occassions there would even be a letter from the fairies, filled appropriately with a little note and glitter. I actually still have these, sitting on my bookshelf, just shows that they did mean alot.

When we finally grew up, I moved away and she went to work. We just gradually, lost contact, fell out of each others lives. Unfortunately it happens to relationships, but the most exciting thing is when you do reconnect, its as if you saw them yesterday. You babble on and on about random subjects, filling in the blanks here and there. Basicaly fillin gin the years that you havent seen each other. Im excited. Im still smiling haha.

I guess life has a way of working. If I had have been accepted into the Performing Arts Uni I wouldnt have re connected with her, I would have been over there now. As well as missing out on reconnecting, I would have also had to face my health scare alone. So lets hope that my life plans this year allow me to become a students of the performing arts. No. Not hope. Hope isnt enough. I know that I will become a student of the performign arts. It is going to happen, because im goign to make it happen! haha.

Attention all. Slump has passed. The shadow faded. Life is bright and clear as of now!

I Believe

I believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe

Ive had to believe. Ive had to hope. Ive had to pray....Im sorry for not posting the past few days, I havent been very well. So bad in fact that Ive had to have numerous different tests, including a few blood tests, leaving a beautifully large bruise on my left arm. Looks like I was beaten! However, I am better now, thankfully. My trip to the doctors this morning was a good one, and I am clear! Hoorah!

I can now officially say what one of the most painful and discomforting things in the world is! Having an ultrasound. It is death! Just casually drink 800ml of water and not go to the bathroom for 2 hours. Oh, just to make you feel better, push a camera onto your bladder. Its great! I have a newfound appreciation of pregnant women. I never was to experience that again haha. Oh the delight of science!

I have also decided to begin auditions for boyfriends. The current character analysis is as follows 'Boyfriend: A role that requires a large amount of love (Oooo, the forbidden word), and certain prerequisites. Must be exquisitely handsome, so much so that their eyes are like a clear night sky, wells into his soul, shimmering with stars of hope and happiness. Perfectly formed lips, little pink pillows, placed in a slight smile, glistening softly; allowing a masculine, yet smooth and youthful voice to pour out from them, a hypnotic sound. Skin that is soft, yet tightly wrapped around his athletic muscles, showing a subtle caress of the sun, a healthy glow. He stands above most, being tall, and statuesque. His hair and race are of no importance. His life is filled with football, rowing, films and music, yet he still finds time to earn a wage that allows him to live comfortably, and love his partner. As well as physical beauty, 'boyfriend' displays all the characteristics of someone who is pure of heart, being caring, loving, happy, and generous. His kisses draw one in, almost to tears of joy, and hugs in his strong arms make one feel complete, whole, together, accepted.' Please enquire within for audition venue and times. Haha, if only life could be that easy. Have people flock to an audition to be your lover. Ahh well, I guess the fun part is trying to find the one, who is lost somewhere in the crowd.

With my health scare over, I guess I can start to look up. Through the clouds of despair and into the endless blue of the sky. Lets just hope that love is somewhere on the horizon. Glasses up! Im back! I toast to the future!

Rolling in the Deep

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have it all...

Yesterday I made the mistake of watching 'The Notebook' rather than blogging. It is such a horribly beautiful movie. One that wins on both the costume and cinimatic scale haha. One that always, without fail, can induce me to hysterical sobs. Its just sooo beautiful!

Other than my bout of sadness last night, the rest of the day was filled with happiness! I can officially say that I am an enrolled Sydney University student. It was a big process, infact, it took about 3 hours in total, but everything just feels right. As I was driving up I was soo unsure about what I was going to do, what Subjects and units, how everything would fit in. Excitedly, it all fit in perfectly, everything I wanted to do. I still have this feeling deep down that I am leaving the performing arts behind, but im not! I will keep singing and dancing, I will keep it all up, because at the end of this year I will be auditioning again.

Some people would say that the weather was horrible yesterday, and a bad omen for starting Uni, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Yesterdays rainy weather was perfect. Its funny, when I went to San Francisco two years ago for Christmas it was raining, but that is what made it soo special for me. That cold atmosphere. The rain that washes away all the pollution and dirt. It makes everything seem clean. I specially love the really fine, mist like rain, it gives everything a mysterious feel. Im such an English boy!

I have also decided that if i dont have a boyfriend by the end of the year, I am destined to live my life alone. So that is being added to my goals for 2012! Get buff, get dancerfied, and get a boyfriend! At the moment, failure is occuring for all three, however, I am sure that the power of my positive thinking will make them come true!

After rereading this post, I can assure you that it is filled with useless crap. Nothing interesting has happened to me! Why is my life soo boring?! Uni needs to start now! I cant believe I started talking about the weather haha. Ahh well, I will try and come up with something better. :)



All That's Known

All they say
Is "Trust in What is Written"
Wars are made
And somehow that is wisdom
Thought is suspect
And money is their idol
And nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their Bible.

I had the exciting experience of witnessing a facebook argument over homosexual marriage yesterday. Oddly, out of musicians, footballers, and directors there was only one person in opposition of the idea, a devout Christian. Now, I dont want to say anything against their beliefs or teachings, and I will try to stay neutral, however, some of the things that the guy was saying were completely horrible! It was one statement that struck me the most.

He believed that people arent born gay, it is the circumstances that they grow up in that makes them gay. He listed a few situations: 'such as child or sexual abuse, a disconnection with ones father, a lack of masculine figures ...or other psychological issues that may occur.' What a load of crap! I know for a fact that this cant possibly be true. One of my very close friends is the middle child of three boys, he is gay, yet his two brothers are very masculine, heterosexual athletes. How can his 'situation' have changed and not his brothers? I personally believe that we are born gay, it is not something that develops, it isnt a fad that we can grow out of, it is a part of who we are. I dont understand how people can be so small minded, but then again, I come from a world that is filled with homosexuality so I have just always been comfortable with the idea. However, does that prove his point? I live in world of theatre, is that what maes me gay? No! It doesnt. My fathers side of the family, when I talked to them, were very much into sports, I was expected to play football, soccer, cricket, ride motorbikes. I guess it was a bit of a shock to the family when I had absolutely no interest at all haha.

In unrelated news, I am going to enroll in Uni tomorrow! Wow, soo incredibly nerveracking. I have no idea why im nervous, but I am! It will be good though, I can go and spend some time perusing the city afterwards, have a bit of fun, try not to spend my lack of money haha. Im actually looking forward to seeing what the different clubs in the Uni are. I wonder if they have a Musical Theatre club!? Oh how excting! La la laaa!





A New Life

A new life -
More and more, I'm sure,
As I go through life,
Just to play the game -,
And to pursue life -
Just to share its pleasures,
And belong!

Its odd, I always seem to comment when I notice a change happening to someone else, but never myself. Maybe I dont notice it? Maybe, after all this time, I actually am growing up? Or maybe I havent changed, and im just a boring 'sod' (as my friend would put it).

So I have, obviously, returned from the big city. It was a seemingly lovely night out, we had an amazing dinner at a small restaurant on Oxford Street, beautiful decor; I caught up with some old friends; and revelations became apparent, however, I was still in trouble at the end. You see, I was in trouble because I kinda wasnt in the mood to go clubbing. I tried to force myself, I tried to bob up and down in the crowd of men on heat. I tried to be fun and happy! (I had that covered) The problem was that I was/am more happy sitting somewhere where I can talk without damaging my vocals chords, and listen without having to place my ear a centimetre from the others mouth. Somewhere nice and quaint, with a large spattering of men, however, ones that I can see. Thats another problem, and something that I dont really understand about clubs. People always talk about 'picking up' in a club, but how can that end in a good way? 1. You can hardly see them becasue the lights are soo low. and 2. You cant talk to them or hear them. You see, my friends had decided that I should hookup (deja vu?) and experience a little more in life. It wasnt going to happen, haha.

Im confused. I keep telling myself that I want a relationship, but when I have the chance, I dont even try. I just shy away. I guess I want more than a club hookup, I want someone who has the same interests as me, someone who asks questions then kisses. Thats why a small bar, with no pumping music would be nice. Or maybe even if the big clubs had a little room where the music was low and lights a little higher. Somewhere I could do a full background check haha.

Im pretty sure that I have changed. I remember I used to be soo excited about going out on the town. Now, not so much. Maybe we just need to find a new hang out. Some new places to go. Less doof doof, more chit chat. haha. Or maybe im just boring? I dont know...

I just want to be loved!

Listen

Oh, the time has come
For my dreams to be heard.
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen.

Another lazy day at home. My previous plans to go and see a friend fell through, so I wandered down to the beach instead. I soaked up a little sun, had a swim, had a bathe in the sun, the usual. Then I went and bough tmyself some hot chips and headed home!

Haha, so in other words. My lazy day was a boring day. However! I did achieve gettign my tumblr sorted. Now I just need to continue them both, get some more followers, and everyones happy! Actually, im beginning to think that my current lapse in doing interesting things is effecting the blog a little, so I am looking very forward to this Saturday, when I go out, and hopefully return with exciting stories to indulge you all in! Also! I am helping a friend out on Friday and being an extra for a film they are shooting! Yaaay to another exciting activity! Haha. Now all I need to do is fill in tomorrow, and the rest of my week is good!

I also find out some very exciting news later tonight. I recieve my Uni offers! Hoorah! Finally! I just watn to know if I got into at least one, then I can start to plan a little. What I would absolutely love to do is move out of home and go into share accommodation, or something. I think it would be really really exciting to do that. But sensibility comes first! It would just be stupid doing that, considering mother dearest is away soo often, I practically have the place to myself half the time anyway. I guess when I start Uni, all my plans for the future can start to come into action. I hope. I will have a timetable, so I can sort out working properly, and then I can deduce if I can perform in some theatre around town. It will all be grand!

Why does everyone seem to be soo scared of the future? I dont get it. I am always waiting impatiently for it to arrive. I want to know what my future holds! Gah! If only we could time travel.

Paparazzi

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar, you know that I'll be
Your papa, paparazzi

I have decided to expand my blog! Just a little bit. I thought that people might what to just see the pictures ive used for each post, independently. So I have created a tumblr! Yaaaay, I hear you say! Well, the address for it is http://gayteenanewmusical.tumblr.com/ , and I have put most of the pictures up, however there are just a few groups missing. I have also added the link to the column over on the right, appropriately named, 'Musical Museum'.

It funny becasue it all started by me wanting to make a folder with all the 'Costumes of the Week' ive used, so people can go back and look. That didnt work on here, so I joined teh tumblr revolution! Haha, hope you all like it! Im still just getting my head around it.

This post, by the way, isnt todays proper post, its just a little bit of information! :D Happy browsing!

As If We Never Said Goodbye

The whispered conversations in overcrowded hallways,
The atmosphere as thrilling here as always.
Feel the early morning madness,
Feel the magic in the making.
Why, everything's as if we never said goodbye.

The sun is shining today. This makes me happy. Ive started my exercise routine again. This makes me even more happy. Im about to go down to the beach. Complete happiness achieved.

I think yesterday I was just sick of the horrible weather and my stupid cough. Ive had this horrid cough for months now. I went to the doctors, and they gave me antibiotics, however they failed to work. Slowly the cough has gone away, but in the past few days its come back. Yadda yadda, no sleep, usual story, cry for me. :) haha. I got a good nights sleep last night, and the sun woke me up! I was happy! This means I can go and do some laps, I can start my exercise again! I will overcome procrastination. This time, I am sticking to my plan!

Following the suggestion of flipping a coin to do something new; I am celebrating a few friends birthdays up in Sydney this weekend, so I am putting it into action! Im excited! :D I need to keep my positive mood from New Years, haha. I also am still needing a job. I need to stop living the life of poor pre Uni student. Haha, I need money for sheet music, cds (research of course), textbooks, and ideally headshots. Although, I must say, the last one is a bit of a luxury. Headshots are the photographs that you see of actors and actresses in show programmes. For a proffessional to do them, it costs about $600, thats how much from the place I want them done at. The place has done them for people such as Lucy Durack, Caroline O'Conner, Rob Mills, and others who are at the peak of Australian theatre. These photos however, arent only for programmes, they are also needed for agents and modelling companies. So, if I was to get them done, it may open up more opportunities. So in other words, I need to spend money, to gain money. Gah! Why dos that always seem to be the way! haha.

I am refinding myself. I need to try and keep this positivity. So, I am off to go bathe amongst the sand and sea! (Wouldn't it just be grand if I found a Prince Charming at the same time! Dreams, haha)



Purpose

Purpose,
It's that little flame,
That lights a fire
Under your ass.
Purpose,
It keeps you going strong,
Like a car with a full
Tank of gas.

Ive kinda just realised what is holding me back. Why I am soo incredibly unmotivated, and why I have just been lying around the house! I am lacking purpose.

I feel that the past few weeks have been a total waste! I even have the feeling that the week to come will be the same! What is wrong with me! I need to get into action! I need to start exercising again. I need to start singing again Yesterday was the first time in months that I have sung!...I need to start getting my act together and looking for a new Price Charming! What is this?! Im lonely. Im sick of organising everything, it kinda feels like if I want to see a friend, I always have to organise it! Why cant people ask me to do things? It makes me feel like my relationship with my friends isnt a two way street. Im just sulking. And im sick of waiting. Im STILL waiting for my Uni offers, they come in a few days. I want to live! I need a purpose!

Last year my purpose was to do the best possible audition for my performing arts uni. Well I did that, sure it wasnt enough, but I never expected to get in last year. I need more this year. I need something to push me. To make me get in the pool each day, to make me sing each day, to make me get out of the house! haha. I can tell you now, I havent been out of the house all day. Some people may say that it sounds like a nice restful day, but ive rested enough, ive rested for the past month!

Im also a little jealous. Remember 'Hot Jazz Singer'? Yes, the rude one. Well, he has just got together with one of my dancer friends. I dont know if im jealous of the people, or just the fact that they are in a relationship. My dancer friend, who is amazing, and he is going to go a very long way, and I kinda almost had a thing. haha, sounds stupid, but he was slowly getting past my shyness. Actually, they are one amazing performing arts couple haha, that is soo depressing. For me I mean, haha.

Ahh well! I guess I just have to try harder. But its already soo hard to find someone!

Purpose! I need purpose! I need inspiration and a pull in the right direction.

Marry You

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I said to myself yesterday morning that I wasnt going to cry. For two reasons, I needed to be able to sing, and I havent cried for months so I dont think its possible for me to anymore. haha. However, of course, as I saw the gorgeous bride walking past me, there was a distinct faulter in my voice and a tear coming out of my eye. Yesterday I experienced one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to.

It was a small gathering, on a rural property, but! When I say rural property, I dont mean fields and cows, no no, this property was set into a rainforest. The ceremony took place in a gulley in the forest, a waterfall and stream gave that light ambiance, and the foliage acted as a blanket, keeping everyone close and the ceremony intimate. The Bride and Groom stood on a platform, while the congregation was scattered up on various boardwalk platforms. It was truely magnificent, and I must say that it was such an honour to sing at such a close friends wedding.

Its this weird feeling, seeing a wedding. I mean I havent been to one for quite a few years, and when you are ther, everything comes to life! Then you randomly start planning your own haha. I dont know if anyone else does this, boys in particular, but I always do. In other words, I want there to be marriage equality, otherwise im moving to London, because I want to have the right to marry. It the age old question. Why does it matter if there are two boys walking down the aisle? They love each other just as much as a man and woman.

My friend left a few days ago to start a Gap year in the mother country. The program she is on is amazing! They organize for her to work at a boarding school, and live there as well! That includes food and a small allowance. It would be the best way to experience England, and even the rest of Europe because your soo close. Wish I had have known about it! Haha, I could have joined her over there.



Music of the Night

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in to the power of
the music that I write - the power of the music of the night ...

I have returned! Oh the stories that are to come! Haha. But first, something that has been weighing on my mind of late. I decided to spend some of the little amount of money I have, and buy 'The Phantom of the Opera: Live at the Royal Albert Hall'! Best....Spend....EVER!!!!!! I cried alot, and laughed, and let my body be overrun with goosebumps numerous times. It was amazingly fantastically, stupendous! Although, I must admit, one of the major reasons for my loving of it was due to the fact that Christine (for those of you who dont know the story, she is the lead) was played by Sierra Boggess. Miss Boggess opened 'The Little Mermaid' on Broadway as Ariel. She is one of my musical theatre goddesses. She is amazing!
The show overcame all odds and adversities. It flourished in the venue, in fact, it soared! It would have been soo special to have experienced it in the flesh. To be there amongst the stars. One of the most special moments came at the end, when Andrew Lloyd Webber invited his wife, Mrs Sarah Brightman, and the most famous Phantoms of the world (think Anthony Warlow, Colm Wilkinson, etc) to sing a rendition of the title song! It was phenomenal.
All in all, as much as my stay with my grandparents was lovely, the highlight was watching the dvd haha. That is basically all we did. My grandparents never seem to do much haha.

Town of the Past

So... This week, I had embarked upon what I thought would be, a quick journey to my grandparents in Forster! This little town, unbeknownst to me, is stuck in the past. At the moment, I am standing on a dresser in the very corner of my room. In other words, there is absolutely no network at all!
So, I should be home in the next two days. I will get back on track then haha... I promise :)

Hear My Song

Hear my song
It'll help you believe in tomorrow
Hear my song
It'll show you the way you can shine
Hear my song
It was made for the times
When you don't know where to go
Listen to the song that I sing
You'll be fine.

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention, that I have neglected my blog over the past week. This saddens me, however I kind of had to do it. You see, for the past week, my life has basically just been a circle of: 'Wake-up, eat, beach, read.' In other words. It has been disastrously boring. The only smidgen of excitement that I could find happened on Wednesday. I went to the Sydney University Open Day.

Now, I am underplaying its excitement factor, because really, it was amazing! Sydney University has been my dream Uni since I was 10 (before I started singing). I remember walking up to the main building and thinking 'Oh my god! It Hogwarts!'. Which makes complete sense if you have seen the University. But I will show you a little picture, so no one feels left out.

It's soo beautiful! What isnt shown in the pictures, is that this old architecture is then mashed together with new buildings of glass and metal to create a harmony of buildings. That means that the old architectural enthusiasts, such as myself are happy, and the modernistic forward thinkers are also happy!
What was soo funny about my trip to the Open Day was the change in direction my thinking went. I entered under the assumption that I was definitely going to undertake the 5 year, fulltime, secondary teaching degree. I went to a few little lectures about the courses, and this is where my thinking changed. If is was going to embark upon the Education course, I wouldnt be able to perform, because it was FULL ON! That made me rethink. Really, this year for me is just a preparation year for my performing arts auditions at the end of the year. I need the time to prepare! So, I am now going to do the Arts Degree, which if need be, I can add an extra a few years on the end and get my education degree. Thus, I am going to become an Arts student!
Another thing that I was enlightened upon was the amount of good looking people at Sydney University! Not just boys, although I did take a keen interest in them, but also girls! Sure, there was the occasional scruffy looking Uni student, but all in all, their type was shadowed by the mass of Goddesses and Gods that strolled around. So if anything. I am going to Sydney Uni for the beautiful buildings and people. haha.
On the 'Prince Charming' front, after the rather horrendous drunken night last week. Nothing has changed. I sent him a light hearted, 'how was your Christmas' message...no reply...Therefore, I am erasing him from my memory. I have been hung up on him for too long! Bring on the Uni boys!





Get It Right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?

'Cause I can't go back and undo this

I just have to stay and face my mistakes

But if I get stronger and wiser

I'll get through this

Here it is. 2012. My year to start over. My year to be positive. My year. It began in a way that I would never have expected. Initially, my friends and I thought that we would have a little party at home, welcome the New Year in typical adolescent style, completely drunk off our faces. This however didnt happen, and now that I think of it, I am very happy about that! I have woken up happy and clear of mind.

At 9pm last night, the early fireworks erupt from Sydney Harbour. It was at this time that my friend and I decided that we would head down from his house, to a park on the harbour which has the perfect view of the bridge and fireworks. We had no idea how much room would be left for us in the park, but we jumped in the car and took off! The suburb the park is in was blocked from all non-residential cars, so we had to park a fair way away and walk quickly. Luckily, a taxi drove past just as we entered the barrier and we took one of the most expensive taxi rides ever! It was worth it. We sat on the edge of the harbour, legs hanging loosely off a stone wall. We could feel the bursts of the firworks on our skin, their light blinding our eyes and sound deafening our ears. It was spectacular. A spectacular way to finish what has been an epic year.

 I have now returned to the land of sand and boardshorts. The sleepy little place that I call home. Maybe I can start to put my New Years Resolutions into action; get buff, get dancerfied, get a boyfriend. All easier said then done, haha, but in the words of Galadriel; 'Even the smallest person can change the course of the future'.