I Believe

I believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe

Ive had to believe. Ive had to hope. Ive had to pray....Im sorry for not posting the past few days, I havent been very well. So bad in fact that Ive had to have numerous different tests, including a few blood tests, leaving a beautifully large bruise on my left arm. Looks like I was beaten! However, I am better now, thankfully. My trip to the doctors this morning was a good one, and I am clear! Hoorah!

I can now officially say what one of the most painful and discomforting things in the world is! Having an ultrasound. It is death! Just casually drink 800ml of water and not go to the bathroom for 2 hours. Oh, just to make you feel better, push a camera onto your bladder. Its great! I have a newfound appreciation of pregnant women. I never was to experience that again haha. Oh the delight of science!

I have also decided to begin auditions for boyfriends. The current character analysis is as follows 'Boyfriend: A role that requires a large amount of love (Oooo, the forbidden word), and certain prerequisites. Must be exquisitely handsome, so much so that their eyes are like a clear night sky, wells into his soul, shimmering with stars of hope and happiness. Perfectly formed lips, little pink pillows, placed in a slight smile, glistening softly; allowing a masculine, yet smooth and youthful voice to pour out from them, a hypnotic sound. Skin that is soft, yet tightly wrapped around his athletic muscles, showing a subtle caress of the sun, a healthy glow. He stands above most, being tall, and statuesque. His hair and race are of no importance. His life is filled with football, rowing, films and music, yet he still finds time to earn a wage that allows him to live comfortably, and love his partner. As well as physical beauty, 'boyfriend' displays all the characteristics of someone who is pure of heart, being caring, loving, happy, and generous. His kisses draw one in, almost to tears of joy, and hugs in his strong arms make one feel complete, whole, together, accepted.' Please enquire within for audition venue and times. Haha, if only life could be that easy. Have people flock to an audition to be your lover. Ahh well, I guess the fun part is trying to find the one, who is lost somewhere in the crowd.

With my health scare over, I guess I can start to look up. Through the clouds of despair and into the endless blue of the sky. Lets just hope that love is somewhere on the horizon. Glasses up! Im back! I toast to the future!

Rolling in the Deep

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have it all...

Yesterday I made the mistake of watching 'The Notebook' rather than blogging. It is such a horribly beautiful movie. One that wins on both the costume and cinimatic scale haha. One that always, without fail, can induce me to hysterical sobs. Its just sooo beautiful!

Other than my bout of sadness last night, the rest of the day was filled with happiness! I can officially say that I am an enrolled Sydney University student. It was a big process, infact, it took about 3 hours in total, but everything just feels right. As I was driving up I was soo unsure about what I was going to do, what Subjects and units, how everything would fit in. Excitedly, it all fit in perfectly, everything I wanted to do. I still have this feeling deep down that I am leaving the performing arts behind, but im not! I will keep singing and dancing, I will keep it all up, because at the end of this year I will be auditioning again.

Some people would say that the weather was horrible yesterday, and a bad omen for starting Uni, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Yesterdays rainy weather was perfect. Its funny, when I went to San Francisco two years ago for Christmas it was raining, but that is what made it soo special for me. That cold atmosphere. The rain that washes away all the pollution and dirt. It makes everything seem clean. I specially love the really fine, mist like rain, it gives everything a mysterious feel. Im such an English boy!

I have also decided that if i dont have a boyfriend by the end of the year, I am destined to live my life alone. So that is being added to my goals for 2012! Get buff, get dancerfied, and get a boyfriend! At the moment, failure is occuring for all three, however, I am sure that the power of my positive thinking will make them come true!

After rereading this post, I can assure you that it is filled with useless crap. Nothing interesting has happened to me! Why is my life soo boring?! Uni needs to start now! I cant believe I started talking about the weather haha. Ahh well, I will try and come up with something better. :)



All That's Known

All they say
Is "Trust in What is Written"
Wars are made
And somehow that is wisdom
Thought is suspect
And money is their idol
And nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their Bible.

I had the exciting experience of witnessing a facebook argument over homosexual marriage yesterday. Oddly, out of musicians, footballers, and directors there was only one person in opposition of the idea, a devout Christian. Now, I dont want to say anything against their beliefs or teachings, and I will try to stay neutral, however, some of the things that the guy was saying were completely horrible! It was one statement that struck me the most.

He believed that people arent born gay, it is the circumstances that they grow up in that makes them gay. He listed a few situations: 'such as child or sexual abuse, a disconnection with ones father, a lack of masculine figures ...or other psychological issues that may occur.' What a load of crap! I know for a fact that this cant possibly be true. One of my very close friends is the middle child of three boys, he is gay, yet his two brothers are very masculine, heterosexual athletes. How can his 'situation' have changed and not his brothers? I personally believe that we are born gay, it is not something that develops, it isnt a fad that we can grow out of, it is a part of who we are. I dont understand how people can be so small minded, but then again, I come from a world that is filled with homosexuality so I have just always been comfortable with the idea. However, does that prove his point? I live in world of theatre, is that what maes me gay? No! It doesnt. My fathers side of the family, when I talked to them, were very much into sports, I was expected to play football, soccer, cricket, ride motorbikes. I guess it was a bit of a shock to the family when I had absolutely no interest at all haha.

In unrelated news, I am going to enroll in Uni tomorrow! Wow, soo incredibly nerveracking. I have no idea why im nervous, but I am! It will be good though, I can go and spend some time perusing the city afterwards, have a bit of fun, try not to spend my lack of money haha. Im actually looking forward to seeing what the different clubs in the Uni are. I wonder if they have a Musical Theatre club!? Oh how excting! La la laaa!





A New Life

A new life -
More and more, I'm sure,
As I go through life,
Just to play the game -,
And to pursue life -
Just to share its pleasures,
And belong!

Its odd, I always seem to comment when I notice a change happening to someone else, but never myself. Maybe I dont notice it? Maybe, after all this time, I actually am growing up? Or maybe I havent changed, and im just a boring 'sod' (as my friend would put it).

So I have, obviously, returned from the big city. It was a seemingly lovely night out, we had an amazing dinner at a small restaurant on Oxford Street, beautiful decor; I caught up with some old friends; and revelations became apparent, however, I was still in trouble at the end. You see, I was in trouble because I kinda wasnt in the mood to go clubbing. I tried to force myself, I tried to bob up and down in the crowd of men on heat. I tried to be fun and happy! (I had that covered) The problem was that I was/am more happy sitting somewhere where I can talk without damaging my vocals chords, and listen without having to place my ear a centimetre from the others mouth. Somewhere nice and quaint, with a large spattering of men, however, ones that I can see. Thats another problem, and something that I dont really understand about clubs. People always talk about 'picking up' in a club, but how can that end in a good way? 1. You can hardly see them becasue the lights are soo low. and 2. You cant talk to them or hear them. You see, my friends had decided that I should hookup (deja vu?) and experience a little more in life. It wasnt going to happen, haha.

Im confused. I keep telling myself that I want a relationship, but when I have the chance, I dont even try. I just shy away. I guess I want more than a club hookup, I want someone who has the same interests as me, someone who asks questions then kisses. Thats why a small bar, with no pumping music would be nice. Or maybe even if the big clubs had a little room where the music was low and lights a little higher. Somewhere I could do a full background check haha.

Im pretty sure that I have changed. I remember I used to be soo excited about going out on the town. Now, not so much. Maybe we just need to find a new hang out. Some new places to go. Less doof doof, more chit chat. haha. Or maybe im just boring? I dont know...

I just want to be loved!

Listen

Oh, the time has come
For my dreams to be heard.
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen.

Another lazy day at home. My previous plans to go and see a friend fell through, so I wandered down to the beach instead. I soaked up a little sun, had a swim, had a bathe in the sun, the usual. Then I went and bough tmyself some hot chips and headed home!

Haha, so in other words. My lazy day was a boring day. However! I did achieve gettign my tumblr sorted. Now I just need to continue them both, get some more followers, and everyones happy! Actually, im beginning to think that my current lapse in doing interesting things is effecting the blog a little, so I am looking very forward to this Saturday, when I go out, and hopefully return with exciting stories to indulge you all in! Also! I am helping a friend out on Friday and being an extra for a film they are shooting! Yaaay to another exciting activity! Haha. Now all I need to do is fill in tomorrow, and the rest of my week is good!

I also find out some very exciting news later tonight. I recieve my Uni offers! Hoorah! Finally! I just watn to know if I got into at least one, then I can start to plan a little. What I would absolutely love to do is move out of home and go into share accommodation, or something. I think it would be really really exciting to do that. But sensibility comes first! It would just be stupid doing that, considering mother dearest is away soo often, I practically have the place to myself half the time anyway. I guess when I start Uni, all my plans for the future can start to come into action. I hope. I will have a timetable, so I can sort out working properly, and then I can deduce if I can perform in some theatre around town. It will all be grand!

Why does everyone seem to be soo scared of the future? I dont get it. I am always waiting impatiently for it to arrive. I want to know what my future holds! Gah! If only we could time travel.

Paparazzi

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar, you know that I'll be
Your papa, paparazzi

I have decided to expand my blog! Just a little bit. I thought that people might what to just see the pictures ive used for each post, independently. So I have created a tumblr! Yaaaay, I hear you say! Well, the address for it is http://gayteenanewmusical.tumblr.com/ , and I have put most of the pictures up, however there are just a few groups missing. I have also added the link to the column over on the right, appropriately named, 'Musical Museum'.

It funny becasue it all started by me wanting to make a folder with all the 'Costumes of the Week' ive used, so people can go back and look. That didnt work on here, so I joined teh tumblr revolution! Haha, hope you all like it! Im still just getting my head around it.

This post, by the way, isnt todays proper post, its just a little bit of information! :D Happy browsing!

As If We Never Said Goodbye

The whispered conversations in overcrowded hallways,
The atmosphere as thrilling here as always.
Feel the early morning madness,
Feel the magic in the making.
Why, everything's as if we never said goodbye.

The sun is shining today. This makes me happy. Ive started my exercise routine again. This makes me even more happy. Im about to go down to the beach. Complete happiness achieved.

I think yesterday I was just sick of the horrible weather and my stupid cough. Ive had this horrid cough for months now. I went to the doctors, and they gave me antibiotics, however they failed to work. Slowly the cough has gone away, but in the past few days its come back. Yadda yadda, no sleep, usual story, cry for me. :) haha. I got a good nights sleep last night, and the sun woke me up! I was happy! This means I can go and do some laps, I can start my exercise again! I will overcome procrastination. This time, I am sticking to my plan!

Following the suggestion of flipping a coin to do something new; I am celebrating a few friends birthdays up in Sydney this weekend, so I am putting it into action! Im excited! :D I need to keep my positive mood from New Years, haha. I also am still needing a job. I need to stop living the life of poor pre Uni student. Haha, I need money for sheet music, cds (research of course), textbooks, and ideally headshots. Although, I must say, the last one is a bit of a luxury. Headshots are the photographs that you see of actors and actresses in show programmes. For a proffessional to do them, it costs about $600, thats how much from the place I want them done at. The place has done them for people such as Lucy Durack, Caroline O'Conner, Rob Mills, and others who are at the peak of Australian theatre. These photos however, arent only for programmes, they are also needed for agents and modelling companies. So, if I was to get them done, it may open up more opportunities. So in other words, I need to spend money, to gain money. Gah! Why dos that always seem to be the way! haha.

I am refinding myself. I need to try and keep this positivity. So, I am off to go bathe amongst the sand and sea! (Wouldn't it just be grand if I found a Prince Charming at the same time! Dreams, haha)



Purpose

Purpose,
It's that little flame,
That lights a fire
Under your ass.
Purpose,
It keeps you going strong,
Like a car with a full
Tank of gas.

Ive kinda just realised what is holding me back. Why I am soo incredibly unmotivated, and why I have just been lying around the house! I am lacking purpose.

I feel that the past few weeks have been a total waste! I even have the feeling that the week to come will be the same! What is wrong with me! I need to get into action! I need to start exercising again. I need to start singing again Yesterday was the first time in months that I have sung!...I need to start getting my act together and looking for a new Price Charming! What is this?! Im lonely. Im sick of organising everything, it kinda feels like if I want to see a friend, I always have to organise it! Why cant people ask me to do things? It makes me feel like my relationship with my friends isnt a two way street. Im just sulking. And im sick of waiting. Im STILL waiting for my Uni offers, they come in a few days. I want to live! I need a purpose!

Last year my purpose was to do the best possible audition for my performing arts uni. Well I did that, sure it wasnt enough, but I never expected to get in last year. I need more this year. I need something to push me. To make me get in the pool each day, to make me sing each day, to make me get out of the house! haha. I can tell you now, I havent been out of the house all day. Some people may say that it sounds like a nice restful day, but ive rested enough, ive rested for the past month!

Im also a little jealous. Remember 'Hot Jazz Singer'? Yes, the rude one. Well, he has just got together with one of my dancer friends. I dont know if im jealous of the people, or just the fact that they are in a relationship. My dancer friend, who is amazing, and he is going to go a very long way, and I kinda almost had a thing. haha, sounds stupid, but he was slowly getting past my shyness. Actually, they are one amazing performing arts couple haha, that is soo depressing. For me I mean, haha.

Ahh well! I guess I just have to try harder. But its already soo hard to find someone!

Purpose! I need purpose! I need inspiration and a pull in the right direction.

Marry You

It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I said to myself yesterday morning that I wasnt going to cry. For two reasons, I needed to be able to sing, and I havent cried for months so I dont think its possible for me to anymore. haha. However, of course, as I saw the gorgeous bride walking past me, there was a distinct faulter in my voice and a tear coming out of my eye. Yesterday I experienced one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to.

It was a small gathering, on a rural property, but! When I say rural property, I dont mean fields and cows, no no, this property was set into a rainforest. The ceremony took place in a gulley in the forest, a waterfall and stream gave that light ambiance, and the foliage acted as a blanket, keeping everyone close and the ceremony intimate. The Bride and Groom stood on a platform, while the congregation was scattered up on various boardwalk platforms. It was truely magnificent, and I must say that it was such an honour to sing at such a close friends wedding.

Its this weird feeling, seeing a wedding. I mean I havent been to one for quite a few years, and when you are ther, everything comes to life! Then you randomly start planning your own haha. I dont know if anyone else does this, boys in particular, but I always do. In other words, I want there to be marriage equality, otherwise im moving to London, because I want to have the right to marry. It the age old question. Why does it matter if there are two boys walking down the aisle? They love each other just as much as a man and woman.

My friend left a few days ago to start a Gap year in the mother country. The program she is on is amazing! They organize for her to work at a boarding school, and live there as well! That includes food and a small allowance. It would be the best way to experience England, and even the rest of Europe because your soo close. Wish I had have known about it! Haha, I could have joined her over there.



Music of the Night

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in to the power of
the music that I write - the power of the music of the night ...

I have returned! Oh the stories that are to come! Haha. But first, something that has been weighing on my mind of late. I decided to spend some of the little amount of money I have, and buy 'The Phantom of the Opera: Live at the Royal Albert Hall'! Best....Spend....EVER!!!!!! I cried alot, and laughed, and let my body be overrun with goosebumps numerous times. It was amazingly fantastically, stupendous! Although, I must admit, one of the major reasons for my loving of it was due to the fact that Christine (for those of you who dont know the story, she is the lead) was played by Sierra Boggess. Miss Boggess opened 'The Little Mermaid' on Broadway as Ariel. She is one of my musical theatre goddesses. She is amazing!
The show overcame all odds and adversities. It flourished in the venue, in fact, it soared! It would have been soo special to have experienced it in the flesh. To be there amongst the stars. One of the most special moments came at the end, when Andrew Lloyd Webber invited his wife, Mrs Sarah Brightman, and the most famous Phantoms of the world (think Anthony Warlow, Colm Wilkinson, etc) to sing a rendition of the title song! It was phenomenal.
All in all, as much as my stay with my grandparents was lovely, the highlight was watching the dvd haha. That is basically all we did. My grandparents never seem to do much haha.

Town of the Past

So... This week, I had embarked upon what I thought would be, a quick journey to my grandparents in Forster! This little town, unbeknownst to me, is stuck in the past. At the moment, I am standing on a dresser in the very corner of my room. In other words, there is absolutely no network at all!
So, I should be home in the next two days. I will get back on track then haha... I promise :)

Hear My Song

Hear my song
It'll help you believe in tomorrow
Hear my song
It'll show you the way you can shine
Hear my song
It was made for the times
When you don't know where to go
Listen to the song that I sing
You'll be fine.

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention, that I have neglected my blog over the past week. This saddens me, however I kind of had to do it. You see, for the past week, my life has basically just been a circle of: 'Wake-up, eat, beach, read.' In other words. It has been disastrously boring. The only smidgen of excitement that I could find happened on Wednesday. I went to the Sydney University Open Day.

Now, I am underplaying its excitement factor, because really, it was amazing! Sydney University has been my dream Uni since I was 10 (before I started singing). I remember walking up to the main building and thinking 'Oh my god! It Hogwarts!'. Which makes complete sense if you have seen the University. But I will show you a little picture, so no one feels left out.

It's soo beautiful! What isnt shown in the pictures, is that this old architecture is then mashed together with new buildings of glass and metal to create a harmony of buildings. That means that the old architectural enthusiasts, such as myself are happy, and the modernistic forward thinkers are also happy!
What was soo funny about my trip to the Open Day was the change in direction my thinking went. I entered under the assumption that I was definitely going to undertake the 5 year, fulltime, secondary teaching degree. I went to a few little lectures about the courses, and this is where my thinking changed. If is was going to embark upon the Education course, I wouldnt be able to perform, because it was FULL ON! That made me rethink. Really, this year for me is just a preparation year for my performing arts auditions at the end of the year. I need the time to prepare! So, I am now going to do the Arts Degree, which if need be, I can add an extra a few years on the end and get my education degree. Thus, I am going to become an Arts student!
Another thing that I was enlightened upon was the amount of good looking people at Sydney University! Not just boys, although I did take a keen interest in them, but also girls! Sure, there was the occasional scruffy looking Uni student, but all in all, their type was shadowed by the mass of Goddesses and Gods that strolled around. So if anything. I am going to Sydney Uni for the beautiful buildings and people. haha.
On the 'Prince Charming' front, after the rather horrendous drunken night last week. Nothing has changed. I sent him a light hearted, 'how was your Christmas' message...no reply...Therefore, I am erasing him from my memory. I have been hung up on him for too long! Bring on the Uni boys!





Get It Right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?

'Cause I can't go back and undo this

I just have to stay and face my mistakes

But if I get stronger and wiser

I'll get through this

Here it is. 2012. My year to start over. My year to be positive. My year. It began in a way that I would never have expected. Initially, my friends and I thought that we would have a little party at home, welcome the New Year in typical adolescent style, completely drunk off our faces. This however didnt happen, and now that I think of it, I am very happy about that! I have woken up happy and clear of mind.

At 9pm last night, the early fireworks erupt from Sydney Harbour. It was at this time that my friend and I decided that we would head down from his house, to a park on the harbour which has the perfect view of the bridge and fireworks. We had no idea how much room would be left for us in the park, but we jumped in the car and took off! The suburb the park is in was blocked from all non-residential cars, so we had to park a fair way away and walk quickly. Luckily, a taxi drove past just as we entered the barrier and we took one of the most expensive taxi rides ever! It was worth it. We sat on the edge of the harbour, legs hanging loosely off a stone wall. We could feel the bursts of the firworks on our skin, their light blinding our eyes and sound deafening our ears. It was spectacular. A spectacular way to finish what has been an epic year.

 I have now returned to the land of sand and boardshorts. The sleepy little place that I call home. Maybe I can start to put my New Years Resolutions into action; get buff, get dancerfied, get a boyfriend. All easier said then done, haha, but in the words of Galadriel; 'Even the smallest person can change the course of the future'.