The Only Exception

I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance,
and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
because none of it was ever worth the risk.

...but it is...It is worth the risk, its just that I never take it. Whenever I get close to someone, whenever I take that leap, a little voice always appears. Not a nice voice, infact an utterly horrible one. The type that makes you step back, to discontinue your pursuits, to make you feel small, and insignificant. I think this is what has ruled my life for too long, the little voice has led me in all the wrong directions. Always telling me that im not good enough, always pushing me back.

Im not content with loneliness, infact, I hate it! Yes, as you may have realised, this is going to be an 'oh the loneliness of my relationship barren life!' post, but it is just how im feeling at the moment. The weather recently has been crazy, funnily, its kinda been my favourite type of weather haha. Sunny one minute, raining the next. The other day I was caught out in the rain, but rather unusually, I didnt run to get undercover. Ive always been a bit of a hater of rain on clothing, its this weird OCD thing I used to have. However, this time, I stayed outside. Infact, I danced in the rain. Haha. Ive always thought that people were crazy when they said dancing in the rain was amazing, but truly, it was! I actually think that a perfect date for me would be to be stuck outside in the rain. To run madly in it, to dance, and to lie.

What is life trying to tell you when you start having these sudden changes in your self. Is it actually time that I block the voice? Well actually, it is certainly the time I block the voice. But is it time that I try harder? Ive always believed that things happen in mysterious ways, that if you are meant to be with someone, they will be placed with you, but maybe this is wrong. Maybe I should stop relying on fate, and just take the extra step. I think I need to, infact, I think I need to stop being so horribly depressing! Stop talking about things, and just do them! haha.