Monday, 27 May 2013

Over the Love

Now there’s green light in my eyes
And my lover on my mind
And I’ll sing from the piano, tear my yellow dress and
Cry and cry and cry
Over the love of you.
You know those moments when you just feel like kicking yourself repeatedly in the chest with steel-capped boots? Usually it's linked to some repeated memory that keeps appearing in your mind, and every time you think about it you just cant help but clench every muscle in your body because you feel this is the only plausible way that you can remove it from your mind. That's me. Right now. Possibly for the remainder of my life. Well, not really, but at the moment it feels that way.
So the post 'Once Upon Another Time' was about falling for your best friend, and my seemingly high expectation that it wasn't normal. Well, after feeling a huge sense of relief for the whole week after finally expressing my held in feelings, it all came tumbling down on Friday night.
Just after I started this blog I told a story about a boy who I had completely fallen for. He was the one who was about to star in a major musical. He was also the one involved in the best example of what I imagine to be fate. You know, two people are put together in highly unlikely situations, that sort of thing. Well, he was putting on a one person show (a cabaret) on Friday night about his life and experiences. It turned out to be basically an hour and a half of him telling stories of his love life, which was actually really interesting and funny and witty and amazing and....yes, that's my problem. My old feelings have returned. I even have the feeling that they are bigger than they were last time. Its just ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I feel like a smitten school girl. What is wrong with me!!!?!?!?!
To my great dismay, it all continued to Saturday. I went to see a show with my best friend. We had past show family members in this new show, and went to support them. Twas a great show! Lots of laughter and fun to be had. Seeing lots of other show friends. It was great! Then, who do I notice across the room at interval?! I'm sure you can guess. It was seriously one of those moments that you can just picture yourself running head first through a room towards a person, being taken into their arms, and just kissing them with all the bottled up feelings and emotions you have. Just something. Anything.
I don't even know what it is about him. He's not remarkably attractive, he is slightly egotistical, and he doesn't even appear to make an effort when it comes to conversation, yet there is something that just ignites within me every time he is in the room. I guess he is that typical high school crush everyone has. However, I unfortunately haven't moved past him.
The worst part of it all is that he still gives the best hugs...

Monday, 20 May 2013

Rich and Happy

Life is swinging,
Skies are blue and bells are ringing.
Every day I wake up singing,
"Look at me, I'm rich and happy!"
Well...yes and no, but I'm at least comfortable enough to go for a little shopping expedition on the weekend. Took the bus up to Sydney and went and bought some much needed shoes! Ahh, that beautiful smell of leather!
The past few days have been a little eventful actually. On Thursday, I had a call from my friend who is in Human Resources in a big humanitarian company asking if I was interested in a job there. Of course I said I was, hoping that it would somehow fit in with my current job, but nevertheless curious about the job. Then on Friday, whilst I was at work stressing about the previously mentioned interview (which was to be held the week after), my boss came in and told me that the store wasn't doing financially well, and needed for me to only work one day a week rather than two. This would have been quite a disaster, yet it seemed that somebody was watching over me that week, considering I had picked up an interview just as my current work was releasing their hold on me. So fingers crossed this new career prospect works out!
With the interview in mind, I bought myself (as well as the shoes) a beautiful blue/navy jumper, and have a lovely bag that ties the entire outfit together! The best part about this job is that it is in the city! (Here enters the angelic chorus) I can finally feel the splendour of the city again! Hoorah!! Ive been missing my daily trips up there, and now I will be there every weekday, hopefully. I cant jinx it, but I'm feeling good about the job, so I am feeling quite positive. It is also quite a nice salary as well, so I will slowly but surely drag us out of the economic black hole that has plagued my house! So many exclamation marks!!!
Over the weekend, mum and I also received a call from my grandparents asking if we would like to accompany them on a trip to the UK at the end of the year. How could we possibly refuse!? My family is from the United Kingdom, and I come from a few generations of Airline Staff, yet I have never been to my home country! Crazy, right?!! So much excitement, and so many things on my wishlist! Of course, most of those being particular shows to see on the West End.
Thus, that is the general overview of the weekend. Now I have to get myself ready for rehearsals! So Long! Farewell!

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

I Never Met a Wolf Who Didnt Love to Howl

You never know where a wolf might crouch
But his natural habitat's the casting couch.
So take lots of pictures of the wildlife
To tell the wolf you could share with his wife!
Today will just be a short post because I have rehearsals this evening and am still trying to organise myself for those! Ive decided to make this a little informative post about the different elements of the blog, as I've added a few new things and just wanted to generally inform you all of what each thing is. Now if you have read through my blog, you will most likely have heard most of this before, but there is one new thing which I am rather excited to bring to you.
Let us begin with the original content first, and then finish with a bang! As you peruse my blog, you may seem to notice that I like to do things in patterns. This is clearly found within the actual posts. Each post's name is that of a song; now this song may either have some connection to the emotional content of the post, or may possibly just be a favourite song of the moment, either way, I implore you to do a little youtube search on the songs, because they are usually beautiful! To help you do this, I also like to start the actual body of the post with a few of the lyrics from the song, again, usually these have something to do with the general theme of the post. I then like to finish the post with a picture. Again, something that links in with the post, or something that I just feel suits it. Usually these are good looking men, because, lets face it, we all like hot guys!
Next I shall talk about the gadgets on the right of the page. These are little additions to the body of the blog. First we have the 'Costume of the Week'. Basically it is a fashion of the week style section, where I post a different picture weekly of an outfit that I like. Nothing too meaningful, just something so you get to know me a little more I guess. As we move down that column, you will see 'Gay Teen! Museum'. This was actually initially something I created to accompany the 'Costume of the Week' picture, as I realised after I change the costume image, you cannot see what used to be there. So I made it to put archived costumes in. It then kind of expanded, and ended up housing all images found on the blog, and then extra images I find around the Internet. Feel free to peruse that, and reblog/ like/ follow what you like. It is a tumblr blog, so fairly straight forward on that front. Now the final heading in this column that I will talk about is 'Gay Teen! Burlesque: Cast'. This is something I have been working on for a little while now, and finally thought it would be a good idea to put onto the blog. It is not for the faint of heart as it is a collection of rather spunky men, usually lacking clothing. I thought it appropriate to call it the Burlesque: Cast because of its explicit nature. When you click the link, it takes you to Summertime Fantasies, but this is because I am still not entirely happy with the name, so I am currently trying to figure out a better name, and then I will change it.
I hope this little burst information about the blog helps you a little in your understand of me. Now back to my music manuscript I go!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Once Upon Another Time

We love, we live, we give what we can give,
And take what little we deserve.
You know those film plots that see a friend fall head over heels for another friend? One of those plots that you watch, and then think how stupid it is? I mean, who would fall for their best friend?! Well, I can confirm that they aren't as stupidly unrealistic as first thought. In fact, they are quite plausible, and most likely the hardest type of love to push through. (I use the term love quite impulsively here because it most likely isn't love, but then again, whats to say that its not? Why is love such a touchy subject in society these days?! What even is love? Why am I going so far off track?! Potatoes?)
For the case in question, it is someone who I have know for a few years now, but we became really close last year because we did a show together. Its funny because we were actually brothers in this show, and that just connected us for 6 months, and we kept in contact after the show finished. I mean the crazy thing is, right at this very second I am receiving facebook messages from him. We just clicked, and unfortunately I clicked on a different level than he did. Understandably, because he was in a steady relationship with someone, but that just didn't effect my feelings. He was someone who I just fell for. Someone who just made me light up whenever he entered a room. Someone who made my life very hard for a good few months because I suffered a serious case of heartache. Amazingly, this person was someone who I never expected when I first met, to actually like! Amazing how things change.
I mentioned that he was in a steady relationship. Well, that is over now, however, its the person that he was in a relationship with that is the main problem in this situation. It was a girl. Yes, unfortunately I have given my heart to someone who will never truly accept it. Someone who will just casually put it on a shelf to look at, maybe a slight chuckle occasionally as he remembers past times, or perhaps pick it up in a few years, wrap it in newspaper and put it in a box. Ive certainly had crushes before, but I guess these have all been with people who I deep down knew I would never be with. This person is different. If the stars aligned, and he turned out to be on the same side of the fence as myself, it could very much work. It could probably work so much that we would be together for the rest of our lives, because we just compliment each other so perfectly! Am I gushing? I don't even know?! Haha
I guess I just have to move on. Even if there was a chance that he could be gay, I unfortunately doubt that he would ever act on it. Thus, I just need to power on. Live life. Try not to think about my impending 21st birthday at the end of the year, and hope that something comes up between then that allows me to say I had a meaningful relationship before I hit full fledged adulthood.

Monday, 13 May 2013

Thoroughly Modern Millie

What we think is chic, unique and quite adorable
They think is odd and "Sodom and Gomorrah"-ble!
But the fact is
Everything today is thoroughly modern.
For those who dont remember, I'm a little bit of a costume nerd. Before my compulsion to be on the stage developed, I always wanted to design costumes. I remember the first time I went to NIDA (National Institute of Dramatic Arts) wasn't for performance, but for design. I took a little trip to their Open Day, which is a day when the College is opened up to the public, it was an amazingly magical place to a young 13 year old. Seeing all the costume and set creations before my eyes, and wishing to be on their alumni wall in the foyer.
Two faces that appeared on the wall that have become worldwide sensations are the husband and wife team of Catherine Martin and Baz Luhrmann. Id say pretty much my favourite movie making team. Under the direction of Baz, and Design of Catherine, they have created masterpieces (Moulin Rouge! and Romeo + Juliet to name a few). Their most recent epic has just been released in America, and I am absolutely itching in my boots to see it here in Aus! The Great Gatsby is a mixture of a timeless classic, performed by a phenomenal cast, adorned in beautiful period Prada and Tiffany. It makes this young gay boy very happy! AND, to top it all off, the soundtrack is perfect. Absolutely precisely what I expected and wanted it to be.
I always make myself laugh when I internally review movies. Basically, any movie with an emotionally smashing soundtrack and beautiful costumes is a winner for me. An example would be the recent Snow White adaptation released, 'Snow White and the Huntsman', pretty good cast and plot, but a riduculously good array of costumes and music sold it for me.
Well, I am off to sit at my piano for a few hours. I feel a little note bashing is in order as I have rehearsals tonight so I need to go over some of my music.

Saturday, 11 May 2013

Left Behind

You fold his hands and smooth his tie, you gently lift his chin.
Were you really so blind, and unkind to him?
Can't help the itch to touch, to kiss, to hold him once again.
Now to close his eyes--never open them....
I don't know what it was that made me look at this. I don't know why, but I was just suddenly compelled to see how my old Blog was going. Sure enough, it was still there, this place that for so long I used as a method of expression. What is utterly fascinating to me is the fact that people have been looking at it. Whilst I haven't even given it a thought, people from across the globe have actually been reading my stories. I guess that is the beauty of the Internet.
What I also find quite remarkable is the situation I was in when I left the blog, really hasn't changed. In fact, Ive probably gone backwards. Education-wise I have completed a year of University, with a Distinction average, yet decided to have a year off this year. I guess University just wasn't what I really wanted it to be last year. I was sitting on a train 3 hours a day, and then stressing about assignments when I got home. I had basically no social life because of the travel and work, and also because I lived so far away from my friends. Of which I only really made two great friends (both I have now lost contact with), ahh the beauty of an Arts degree with over 1000 people. Then it also got in the way of my performing. I wasn't ready to audition for the big Performing Arts Universities again, and if I didn't get a Callback like I did when I first auditioned, it would have been such a blow to my self confidence. Which had already taken a pretty tough beating, but we will get onto that later.
Relationship-wise, nothing. How can it be that in a University full of people, I cant even find one to be in my first real relationship with. It is absolutely ridiculous! I'm basically the big joke of my high school friends, one of whom is currently in a long term relationship with the ultimate boyfriend. We are all jealous of him haha. I just keep telling them that I want my first time to be special, which is true, but maybe I'm wanting it to be too special. I don't know, I'm 20 and a virgin. Is that even normal?!
In regards to my family life (My dad situation ect.). I had the hardest time at the end of last year. Exactly 2 days before my birthday, I found out my dad had been re-married, ON THAT DAY! He didn't tell me at all. It could have been an event that joined us together again. Also since then Ive become a big brother. Another little secret I'm not meant to know about. What is interesting, is the fact that at this time, I started reconnecting with my grandparents on his side. I soon found out that he has been estranged from pretty much all his family. Well, I guess that's what drugs and alcohol can do to a family.
As much as the past year has been quite a depressing time, it has been overshadowed by this year. It seems the Gods are with me. This year has just been so great! I have a job! Ive been performing! Ive been seeing old friends! Its amazing. However, the peak on the summit of this year so far, has been finding out that I have been cast in a leading role in a BIG show in Sydney. It is still amateur, but this is one of the (if not THE) biggest show in musical theatre. Amazing things could come out of this.
I guess the moral of this post is. I'm back! I remember how happy this blog made me, and its time to embrace the happiness! Here's to a new beginning!

Friday, 23 March 2012

Seasons of Love

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. 
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. 

What is it? Why is it that every time you start something new; you take that leap of faith into the unknown, you always end up feeling as if you have just spent the last week without sleep? What is it about new things? Is it because you stress when doing new things? Perhaps its because you need to invest more energy to begin with, like exercising; it hurts at the start, but then you get used to it resulting in your risen ability to manage your energy better. Or maybe, just maybe, its because you have to spend 3 hours a day travelling to and from this new thing…
Ive always seen myself as being pretty on top of everything when it comes to time management, I mean look at when I started the blog, smack bang in the middle of my HSC, yet I was still able to manage everything. So much so that I could study, rehearse, blog and sleep; AND still achieve highly. I think what has affected me so much is this new anomaly, this unthought of element to the situation, this extra factor. The train. Sure, I hear you say, ‘why cant you work on the train?’ Well I can, I am writing this very post on the train, sitting next to the human form of Adonis. (I keep making fleeting glances, just making sure that it isn’t my imagination that has conjured up this depressingly desirable demi god.)But with the train comes baggage, baggage that I have (rather unfortunately) been experiencing of late, such baggage as delays, and the horrid lack of seating. The past week I have spent all my train trips standing, I can assure you, it isn’t fun, and the most I have achieved while doing this is reading a paragraph(7 times). The main issue is that when standing, I cant get into my zone, I cannot focus, resulting in me reading a sentence, having absolutely no idea what I just read, thus re reading the sentence, then being asked how long it takes to get to Redfern, removing the said sentence from my mind, leading to a repeat of everything all over again!
These little occurrences have therefore made me alter my little schedule, now including alternatives. Things for me to do that don’t require much attention, energy, or focus skills For example, in the occurrence of no seating I will find one or two songs to add to my repertoire; I will text a friend who I haven’t seen in a while; I will make leisure time arrangements, etc. All very easy things, that when done, mean I don’t have to worry about later. If there is a real seat, then I do my subject readings, perhaps plan an essay, or maybe, hopefully, preferably, write a blog entry.
Therefore, in conclusion, lastly, with thanks(?)  :P I sincerely apologize for my lack of posting. I remember when I started the blog I always wanted to post once a day. It worked for the first few months, then my life became tragically busy. So now, I’m not making any promises, I will endeavor to post at least 2-3 times a week. I will however constantly update the ‘Musical Gallery’(Tumblr), just because it’s a little easier, and doesn’t require my brain too much. That way you can still get little insights into my mind. After all, pictures do speak a thousand words!