Saturday, 11 May 2013

Left Behind

You fold his hands and smooth his tie, you gently lift his chin.
Were you really so blind, and unkind to him?
Can't help the itch to touch, to kiss, to hold him once again.
Now to close his eyes--never open them....
I don't know what it was that made me look at this. I don't know why, but I was just suddenly compelled to see how my old Blog was going. Sure enough, it was still there, this place that for so long I used as a method of expression. What is utterly fascinating to me is the fact that people have been looking at it. Whilst I haven't even given it a thought, people from across the globe have actually been reading my stories. I guess that is the beauty of the Internet.
What I also find quite remarkable is the situation I was in when I left the blog, really hasn't changed. In fact, Ive probably gone backwards. Education-wise I have completed a year of University, with a Distinction average, yet decided to have a year off this year. I guess University just wasn't what I really wanted it to be last year. I was sitting on a train 3 hours a day, and then stressing about assignments when I got home. I had basically no social life because of the travel and work, and also because I lived so far away from my friends. Of which I only really made two great friends (both I have now lost contact with), ahh the beauty of an Arts degree with over 1000 people. Then it also got in the way of my performing. I wasn't ready to audition for the big Performing Arts Universities again, and if I didn't get a Callback like I did when I first auditioned, it would have been such a blow to my self confidence. Which had already taken a pretty tough beating, but we will get onto that later.
Relationship-wise, nothing. How can it be that in a University full of people, I cant even find one to be in my first real relationship with. It is absolutely ridiculous! I'm basically the big joke of my high school friends, one of whom is currently in a long term relationship with the ultimate boyfriend. We are all jealous of him haha. I just keep telling them that I want my first time to be special, which is true, but maybe I'm wanting it to be too special. I don't know, I'm 20 and a virgin. Is that even normal?!
In regards to my family life (My dad situation ect.). I had the hardest time at the end of last year. Exactly 2 days before my birthday, I found out my dad had been re-married, ON THAT DAY! He didn't tell me at all. It could have been an event that joined us together again. Also since then Ive become a big brother. Another little secret I'm not meant to know about. What is interesting, is the fact that at this time, I started reconnecting with my grandparents on his side. I soon found out that he has been estranged from pretty much all his family. Well, I guess that's what drugs and alcohol can do to a family.
As much as the past year has been quite a depressing time, it has been overshadowed by this year. It seems the Gods are with me. This year has just been so great! I have a job! Ive been performing! Ive been seeing old friends! Its amazing. However, the peak on the summit of this year so far, has been finding out that I have been cast in a leading role in a BIG show in Sydney. It is still amateur, but this is one of the (if not THE) biggest show in musical theatre. Amazing things could come out of this.
I guess the moral of this post is. I'm back! I remember how happy this blog made me, and its time to embrace the happiness! Here's to a new beginning!

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