A New Life

A new life -
More and more, I'm sure,
As I go through life,
Just to play the game -,
And to pursue life -
Just to share its pleasures,
And belong!

Its odd, I always seem to comment when I notice a change happening to someone else, but never myself. Maybe I dont notice it? Maybe, after all this time, I actually am growing up? Or maybe I havent changed, and im just a boring 'sod' (as my friend would put it).

So I have, obviously, returned from the big city. It was a seemingly lovely night out, we had an amazing dinner at a small restaurant on Oxford Street, beautiful decor; I caught up with some old friends; and revelations became apparent, however, I was still in trouble at the end. You see, I was in trouble because I kinda wasnt in the mood to go clubbing. I tried to force myself, I tried to bob up and down in the crowd of men on heat. I tried to be fun and happy! (I had that covered) The problem was that I was/am more happy sitting somewhere where I can talk without damaging my vocals chords, and listen without having to place my ear a centimetre from the others mouth. Somewhere nice and quaint, with a large spattering of men, however, ones that I can see. Thats another problem, and something that I dont really understand about clubs. People always talk about 'picking up' in a club, but how can that end in a good way? 1. You can hardly see them becasue the lights are soo low. and 2. You cant talk to them or hear them. You see, my friends had decided that I should hookup (deja vu?) and experience a little more in life. It wasnt going to happen, haha.

Im confused. I keep telling myself that I want a relationship, but when I have the chance, I dont even try. I just shy away. I guess I want more than a club hookup, I want someone who has the same interests as me, someone who asks questions then kisses. Thats why a small bar, with no pumping music would be nice. Or maybe even if the big clubs had a little room where the music was low and lights a little higher. Somewhere I could do a full background check haha.

Im pretty sure that I have changed. I remember I used to be soo excited about going out on the town. Now, not so much. Maybe we just need to find a new hang out. Some new places to go. Less doof doof, more chit chat. haha. Or maybe im just boring? I dont know...

I just want to be loved!