I'm Not Afraid of Anything

Listen to the calling of excitement
Can you feel the pounding of my heart
The lights are ready
Pulse is steady
I can start...

What is it? That yearning for the stage? That call for the theatre? Love? Want? Need? Hope? Passion?...Passion...

My one true love in life is the stage. And I do say stage, not just theatre, because it isnt just singing and acting that im talking about. Its dancing, orchestral pieces, ballet, opera, cabaret, stand up, its everything. Costumes, lights, sounds, set... the whole thing. The most recent show I went to see was in a huge, old, beautiful theatre, and I found myself tearing up at the entry. The air of excitement that everyone has, the slightly dimmed lights, the spectacular chandelier. It is all a passion for me, and it effects me entirely; it makes me cry, it gives me goosebumps, it is almost indescribable.

Its funny, because I remember when I was very young, I used to want to perform. I sought for the soft warmth and glow that stagelights gave, the exhilaration that an applause created, and friendship that casts emit. I used to go and lock myself in my room, turn my cd player right up and blast out 'The Little Mermaid'! Haha, I never listened to Justin Timberlake or Kylie Minogue, it was always stage and film soundtracks; and usually Disney. I would listen to the whole cd as well, even the instrumental pieces, usually casting myself as every character, flouncing around, making a wall of my room the audience, and performing my little heart out to it. Hoping someday that I could do that, that I could be a Disney character, or a person on the 'big stage', and I guess the most fulfilling part is that I have done those things. I have made my younger wishes come true. Ive been a Disney character (one of my old favourites as well), and ive performed on some of the biggest stages in Australia.

Now im at the crossroads of my early life. Do I choose to follow my dream? To continue my passion? Or do I do the safer thing? Follow a secondary want, something that I wouldnt call a dream, something that would leave me financially secure, and quite happy, but not with the tingling feeling that my passion gives me. As bad as it is, in the times we live in, maybe financial security is better than love. Maybe being able to pay the bills is better than doing what your heart wants. I guess, at the moment, it just feels like I am at the bottom of a mountain, and I can choose to either walk up, or fly up. Sure, flying will give me that initial excitement, but once I get there, then what? Where walking will be tough, but I will experience soo much more.

Gah! Why cant life be easy! Why cant we all just be rich and able to do whatever we want? Why cant we all just be born on the peak of the mountain!? I guess its because a person is what they have earnt, not what they have been given.