Mama Who Bore Me

Mama who bore me
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things
Who made me so sad

There is always this overwhelming feeling of helplessness when you see your mother cry. Sure, ive seen her cry before, but all those times have been for happiness and joy. Today they were tears of sorrow, and pain. Tears of not knowing if she can do it anymore.

Today, the car wouldnt start. Today, we had to pay $210 for a new battery. Today, the car continues to not work properly. Today, the fridge begins to stop working. We only have one car, our trusty Volkswagon Golf. Both of our banks accounts are at zero, until Tuesday. After my dad stopped being a dad, things became hard. They were already hard, but after that, they became harder. We began to live week by week, waiting for mums pay to go in, and then not leaving anything in the bank once it was. Sure, I have a job, but with my studies and performing commitments, I can hardly work. I guess also living in this little town doesnt offer much in terms of work. When we moved here it was to get out of the city, rent out a nice place for less, but the problem is that mum still has to travel back to the airport most days, and I usually have to go up there for performing, spending about the same on petrol as we used to on rent in Sydney.

I was actually a little surprised when I saw my mum cry. I always thought that I would cry with her, but I didnt. Instead, I got angry. Not at her, but just at everything. I wanted to kick the car, and punch the fridge, and just have a massive temper tantrum right there. I contained myself, but I hated seeing my mum cry. The worst part is that, you never imagine your parent crying, well I never did, and when it happened it was absurd. I felt like I was looking into a mirror, because all the facial movements and wimpers that were happening, they were all things that I usually do.

I was always told I looked like my dad, with my mothers toes. I hated that. Being put up against the person who disowned me. But now I can say that I look like my mum when I cry. I look like a person who has given up everything in the world for her son, a person who uses all her strength to love and cherish life. I look like a person who has a heart of diamond and a soul of gold. I look like a person who has passion for everything she does......which makes me so happy.