The Show Must Go On

Inside my heart is breaking
My makeup may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
The show must go on

I always feel like the composer of my life seems to not want me to perform. I was given a voice, which is my gift, however whenever I have a show or performance coming up, something bad always happens.

Im pretty sure I broke my foot today. I wasnt doing anything strenuous. I was walking down the stairs, and I stepped down and landed weirdly onto my foot. I heard a crack and then pain.

I have a HUGE show in Sydney coming up, and I have my auditions for performing arts universities scattered throughout the next month as well. If I end up in a cast that means I cant dance for 6-8 weeks, which means I cant do any of these things. Im hoping, praying, its just a sprain or minor fracture I cant get into the doctors until Monday so I will see then.

Its things like this that always seem to happen to me. For our big school musical last year (a big event because I go to a performing arts high school) I was cast as lead, and after putting all my time and energy into that for 6 months, I was admitted to hospital with appendicitis 3 days before the show opened. That was a major physical and emotional part of my life. I had used all my energy to get better so I could finish the showrun, I even got out of hospital just in time to go and watch opening night, support my friends. But when I was ready (halfway through the showrun) the teachers saw it as 'unfair' to the understudy, so I only got to do 2 shows out of the 6 remaining, not even being allowed to do closing night.

Perhaps im cursed? Im always finding myself up against obstacles, which I always try and conquer, but recently, im just losing the energy to fight against them. I know this seems like a bit of an 'Oh, why is life SO hard' type of post, but I am really just over everything! Over it in the sense that im angry, im angry that the puppeteer who is controlling my life has got an infatuation with hammers.

The show must go on, but it always seems to be without me.