Masquerade

Masquerade! Paper faces on parade.
Masquerade! Hide your face, so the world will never find you!

Fairly poignant I thought. I have been reading alot recently about the 'hidden' gays in all the full on physical sports like football and soccer, and the facade of complete butch males that some of the boys put on. This was quite funny for me because my old high school, before we moved, was an all boys Catholic school, which was very much into its sports.

My friends and I were always taunted for being different and called all the names under the sky because we were slightly more feminine than most. None of us were actually out as gays, but the school community seemed to label anyone who didnt like football, and who wasnt covered with muscles, with the tag of being either a girl or gay. Stupid I know. I remember I always thought that was a bit hypocritical, because they all used to touch eachothers dicks and spank eachother and all that, as a 'joke' of course.

What was so funny about it was that I had a little experience with the football captain at last years Mardi Gras, no nothing raunchy (unfortunately), but very eye opening. My friends and I had just turned 18, so we went to Sydney in a smallish group to have a bit of fun.

We sat and watched the whole parade, and then we didnt know where to go, so we wandered around for a bit. This then turned into a game, with me being the subject, they all saw it necessary that at some stage of that night I should 'hook up'(kiss) with a guy for the first time. I evaded this for most of night, as they lost interest pretty quickly. However, as we were looking for a suitable club (one with the smallest line up), the 'football captain' walks up to us. Initially he doesnt remember me, casually handing us some free 'no line up' passes to a club(he works there), which I was quite happy about, but suddenly he remembers and we say hi and all that awkwardness. It just so happens to be that at this time, one of my friends decides to start playing the game again asking him if he will give me a kiss...well things then became even more awkward, because 1. we were never really friends at my old school, I mean he was nice, at least he didnt do the taunting and stuff, and 2. he didnt know I was gay(at this stage only those who I was with did). So he politely declined and we quickly departed, using the tickets to get into his club.

It was as we were climbing the stairs of the place (it was on the upper storey) that he (the football captain) catches up to me. We are a little way behind the group. We talk for a little bit, polite chit chat, and then he suddenly says that I am hot, and that if he was gay he would 'totally go out with me'. I was quite elated by this(on the inside, outside I had to keep cool), and very amazed. Needless to say the rest of the night was spent sharing eye sex with him, but nothing ever came out of it.

I just thought I would share this because, I aggree completely about the closetted gay stance that some people have, and I just wish that they didnt have to be so aggressive to try and cover it up. Its just stupid, there is nothing wrong with being gay! Yet here I am, still mostly in the closet. Gah!