This may be slightly to do with my character, I am a bit of a stress head, always stressing about unnecessary things, and Im a worrier as well! Bad mixture. I guess I just need to learn to stop worrying about what could be, and just enjoy it all.
This could also come from my family situation. Im from a broken family, but not your usual mum and dad divorced family, my family is basically in a constant war all the time. Everything was fine until about 4 years agos, I was 14. My parents divorced when I was 3, so the only thing I remember about that time was yelling at my parents to stop shouting because Thomas the Tank Engine was on television. It was all fine after that, my dad is in the flying industry, so he would take me all over the world, and my mum and him even got along pretty well, up until my 14th year of existence. Mum had just started back with QANTAS (she is also in the industry, lucky me!), I lived with mum and went to see dad on weekends, so when my dad was away I would stay with my grandparents, my dads mum and dad. This was also all good, until the said year.
Things somehow became heated, dad got a new girlfriend, and I stopped talking him, this happened occassionally, so I thought it would blow over. It didnt, in fact it got worse, my grandparents called my mum and told her that my dad was fighting for full custody of me and they were supporting him, which was stupid because I was of age to choose where I lived, so custody wouldnt have helped. He stopped helping to pay for my school tuition and performing arts tuition and anythign at all in my life, so eventually I had to leave the private school in Sydney that I attended, and mum and I had to move. Thats how we ended up in the little village, cant say I was too happy about the change, but I got used to it.
I eventually puffed my chest out and gave him a call, it was very awkward, but I made the effort, and I had to keep on making the effort, becasue it was always me who called. This went on for a few years, I would call, maybe go and see him and my grandparetns for a day, then come home. Last year things were pretty good, he had broken up with his girlfriend, and we planned on spending Christmas in America, which we did and it was amazing. When we got home, things got worse again, he decided to stop all contact, including the little bit of money he used to give us. So basically, from then, I have recieved a few abusive texts and emails, and have had to live through my hectic life with the feeling that my dad never found me to be good enough.
My mum is great, she is very supportive of me, so that helps, but sometimes I just wish I had someone who wasnt a family member to bundle me up and hug the life out of me, someone to love me and kiss me. It hasnt happened yet (yes, I am alluding to the fact that I have never had a boyfriend), but I guess it just hasnt been the right time.
Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...Again!
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