Gimme Gimme

Highs and lows, tears and laughter
Gimme happy ever after
Gimme, gimme that thing called love.

 Its amazing how thoughts of love poison the mind. How those innocent views of true love seem to seep into the brain, slowly turning it to mush. I remember my first experience of love, well, more like one sided love, well more like a massive crush, it was rather pathetic really.

At our school popularity is based on talent, if you're the lead, then you're the king or queen of the school, basically. I remember my first crush was on a boy in the year above me. He was the one who handed down the crown to me. He was the jewel of our school, lead in all the productions, amazing voice and dance skills, incredible academic achiever, and went on to go to NIDA(prestigious drama college) and to later be in a very popular proffessional musical. He wasnt always my crush though. At first, I thought he was a complete wanker, a self indulgent, egotistical, snob. It was when he left that I began to realise that I actually really liked him. He came back down for a few productions the school was putting on, and always gave me a hug at the end. He gave good hugs. Although, it wasnt until a night out I had with friends that the crush really developed.

It was a birthday celebration, and a little group of my friends decided to hit the town. We met up with his group, who was made up of some of our really close friends in the year above, and we ended up merging groups and hangin all night. It was a good night, he bought me a drink, I didnt really know if that meant anything, but I accepted it politely. I really am not good with flirting, or getting close to someone, and even more embarrassing is that im not that great at casual dancing. The night(or shall I say morning) ended with a big hug and yeah.

It had started, I was really into him, and we had little conversations on facebook here and there, nothing crazy, no inclination of him liking me. Then about a week later I went to stay with my Sydney friends, we ended up on Oxford Street, had a little group of people, drank a bit too much. Guess who should turn up? The crush walked casually into the club, we saw eachother and were blown away, wow, how bout that. Hugs all round. I thought it was fate, something had put us together that night, and it was going to join us. Well it didnt, instead he hung around with his friends(people I didnt know) and I stayed with mine. Should I have tried harder? Am I just horrible at small talk and flirting? Im pretty sure im socially disabled.

Maybe my curse is to forever be alone. I know, im being stupid, im only 18. But dont people usually have relationships before 18? Hell! Im sure they do, they usually lose their virginity at 16! Why am I so sexually inept?! Someday, somehow, it will happen.