For Good

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow.

It is such an amazing feeling when someone who was soo pivotal to your growing up comes back into your life. Its as if a piece of you that had been left behind has finally decided to catch up. As if your past, the good parts, is merging itself with the present. I went to bed smiling last night because of what happened, something that I havent done in months.

I will call her my sister, because, thats what she basically was. Our families were basically merged together, linked in numerous ways, so we grew up together. She is about five years my senior, and always used to look after me and take me on adventures. She is beautiful, tall, with exotic features of unkown origins. I knew when we were younger that she did a bit of modelling, but I found out last night that she does ALOT now haha. She taught me to believe, to allow my imagination to flow. I remember when I was young, she would take me to a park down the road and show me the fairies. On special occassions there would even be a letter from the fairies, filled appropriately with a little note and glitter. I actually still have these, sitting on my bookshelf, just shows that they did mean alot.

When we finally grew up, I moved away and she went to work. We just gradually, lost contact, fell out of each others lives. Unfortunately it happens to relationships, but the most exciting thing is when you do reconnect, its as if you saw them yesterday. You babble on and on about random subjects, filling in the blanks here and there. Basicaly fillin gin the years that you havent seen each other. Im excited. Im still smiling haha.

I guess life has a way of working. If I had have been accepted into the Performing Arts Uni I wouldnt have re connected with her, I would have been over there now. As well as missing out on reconnecting, I would have also had to face my health scare alone. So lets hope that my life plans this year allow me to become a students of the performing arts. No. Not hope. Hope isnt enough. I know that I will become a student of the performign arts. It is going to happen, because im goign to make it happen! haha.

Attention all. Slump has passed. The shadow faded. Life is bright and clear as of now!

I Believe

I believe
I believe
I believe
Oh I believe

Ive had to believe. Ive had to hope. Ive had to pray....Im sorry for not posting the past few days, I havent been very well. So bad in fact that Ive had to have numerous different tests, including a few blood tests, leaving a beautifully large bruise on my left arm. Looks like I was beaten! However, I am better now, thankfully. My trip to the doctors this morning was a good one, and I am clear! Hoorah!

I can now officially say what one of the most painful and discomforting things in the world is! Having an ultrasound. It is death! Just casually drink 800ml of water and not go to the bathroom for 2 hours. Oh, just to make you feel better, push a camera onto your bladder. Its great! I have a newfound appreciation of pregnant women. I never was to experience that again haha. Oh the delight of science!

I have also decided to begin auditions for boyfriends. The current character analysis is as follows 'Boyfriend: A role that requires a large amount of love (Oooo, the forbidden word), and certain prerequisites. Must be exquisitely handsome, so much so that their eyes are like a clear night sky, wells into his soul, shimmering with stars of hope and happiness. Perfectly formed lips, little pink pillows, placed in a slight smile, glistening softly; allowing a masculine, yet smooth and youthful voice to pour out from them, a hypnotic sound. Skin that is soft, yet tightly wrapped around his athletic muscles, showing a subtle caress of the sun, a healthy glow. He stands above most, being tall, and statuesque. His hair and race are of no importance. His life is filled with football, rowing, films and music, yet he still finds time to earn a wage that allows him to live comfortably, and love his partner. As well as physical beauty, 'boyfriend' displays all the characteristics of someone who is pure of heart, being caring, loving, happy, and generous. His kisses draw one in, almost to tears of joy, and hugs in his strong arms make one feel complete, whole, together, accepted.' Please enquire within for audition venue and times. Haha, if only life could be that easy. Have people flock to an audition to be your lover. Ahh well, I guess the fun part is trying to find the one, who is lost somewhere in the crowd.

With my health scare over, I guess I can start to look up. Through the clouds of despair and into the endless blue of the sky. Lets just hope that love is somewhere on the horizon. Glasses up! Im back! I toast to the future!

Rolling in the Deep

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have it all...

Yesterday I made the mistake of watching 'The Notebook' rather than blogging. It is such a horribly beautiful movie. One that wins on both the costume and cinimatic scale haha. One that always, without fail, can induce me to hysterical sobs. Its just sooo beautiful!

Other than my bout of sadness last night, the rest of the day was filled with happiness! I can officially say that I am an enrolled Sydney University student. It was a big process, infact, it took about 3 hours in total, but everything just feels right. As I was driving up I was soo unsure about what I was going to do, what Subjects and units, how everything would fit in. Excitedly, it all fit in perfectly, everything I wanted to do. I still have this feeling deep down that I am leaving the performing arts behind, but im not! I will keep singing and dancing, I will keep it all up, because at the end of this year I will be auditioning again.

Some people would say that the weather was horrible yesterday, and a bad omen for starting Uni, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Yesterdays rainy weather was perfect. Its funny, when I went to San Francisco two years ago for Christmas it was raining, but that is what made it soo special for me. That cold atmosphere. The rain that washes away all the pollution and dirt. It makes everything seem clean. I specially love the really fine, mist like rain, it gives everything a mysterious feel. Im such an English boy!

I have also decided that if i dont have a boyfriend by the end of the year, I am destined to live my life alone. So that is being added to my goals for 2012! Get buff, get dancerfied, and get a boyfriend! At the moment, failure is occuring for all three, however, I am sure that the power of my positive thinking will make them come true!

After rereading this post, I can assure you that it is filled with useless crap. Nothing interesting has happened to me! Why is my life soo boring?! Uni needs to start now! I cant believe I started talking about the weather haha. Ahh well, I will try and come up with something better. :)



All That's Known

All they say
Is "Trust in What is Written"
Wars are made
And somehow that is wisdom
Thought is suspect
And money is their idol
And nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their Bible.

I had the exciting experience of witnessing a facebook argument over homosexual marriage yesterday. Oddly, out of musicians, footballers, and directors there was only one person in opposition of the idea, a devout Christian. Now, I dont want to say anything against their beliefs or teachings, and I will try to stay neutral, however, some of the things that the guy was saying were completely horrible! It was one statement that struck me the most.

He believed that people arent born gay, it is the circumstances that they grow up in that makes them gay. He listed a few situations: 'such as child or sexual abuse, a disconnection with ones father, a lack of masculine figures ...or other psychological issues that may occur.' What a load of crap! I know for a fact that this cant possibly be true. One of my very close friends is the middle child of three boys, he is gay, yet his two brothers are very masculine, heterosexual athletes. How can his 'situation' have changed and not his brothers? I personally believe that we are born gay, it is not something that develops, it isnt a fad that we can grow out of, it is a part of who we are. I dont understand how people can be so small minded, but then again, I come from a world that is filled with homosexuality so I have just always been comfortable with the idea. However, does that prove his point? I live in world of theatre, is that what maes me gay? No! It doesnt. My fathers side of the family, when I talked to them, were very much into sports, I was expected to play football, soccer, cricket, ride motorbikes. I guess it was a bit of a shock to the family when I had absolutely no interest at all haha.

In unrelated news, I am going to enroll in Uni tomorrow! Wow, soo incredibly nerveracking. I have no idea why im nervous, but I am! It will be good though, I can go and spend some time perusing the city afterwards, have a bit of fun, try not to spend my lack of money haha. Im actually looking forward to seeing what the different clubs in the Uni are. I wonder if they have a Musical Theatre club!? Oh how excting! La la laaa!





A New Life

A new life -
More and more, I'm sure,
As I go through life,
Just to play the game -,
And to pursue life -
Just to share its pleasures,
And belong!

Its odd, I always seem to comment when I notice a change happening to someone else, but never myself. Maybe I dont notice it? Maybe, after all this time, I actually am growing up? Or maybe I havent changed, and im just a boring 'sod' (as my friend would put it).

So I have, obviously, returned from the big city. It was a seemingly lovely night out, we had an amazing dinner at a small restaurant on Oxford Street, beautiful decor; I caught up with some old friends; and revelations became apparent, however, I was still in trouble at the end. You see, I was in trouble because I kinda wasnt in the mood to go clubbing. I tried to force myself, I tried to bob up and down in the crowd of men on heat. I tried to be fun and happy! (I had that covered) The problem was that I was/am more happy sitting somewhere where I can talk without damaging my vocals chords, and listen without having to place my ear a centimetre from the others mouth. Somewhere nice and quaint, with a large spattering of men, however, ones that I can see. Thats another problem, and something that I dont really understand about clubs. People always talk about 'picking up' in a club, but how can that end in a good way? 1. You can hardly see them becasue the lights are soo low. and 2. You cant talk to them or hear them. You see, my friends had decided that I should hookup (deja vu?) and experience a little more in life. It wasnt going to happen, haha.

Im confused. I keep telling myself that I want a relationship, but when I have the chance, I dont even try. I just shy away. I guess I want more than a club hookup, I want someone who has the same interests as me, someone who asks questions then kisses. Thats why a small bar, with no pumping music would be nice. Or maybe even if the big clubs had a little room where the music was low and lights a little higher. Somewhere I could do a full background check haha.

Im pretty sure that I have changed. I remember I used to be soo excited about going out on the town. Now, not so much. Maybe we just need to find a new hang out. Some new places to go. Less doof doof, more chit chat. haha. Or maybe im just boring? I dont know...

I just want to be loved!

Listen

Oh, the time has come
For my dreams to be heard.
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen.

Another lazy day at home. My previous plans to go and see a friend fell through, so I wandered down to the beach instead. I soaked up a little sun, had a swim, had a bathe in the sun, the usual. Then I went and bough tmyself some hot chips and headed home!

Haha, so in other words. My lazy day was a boring day. However! I did achieve gettign my tumblr sorted. Now I just need to continue them both, get some more followers, and everyones happy! Actually, im beginning to think that my current lapse in doing interesting things is effecting the blog a little, so I am looking very forward to this Saturday, when I go out, and hopefully return with exciting stories to indulge you all in! Also! I am helping a friend out on Friday and being an extra for a film they are shooting! Yaaay to another exciting activity! Haha. Now all I need to do is fill in tomorrow, and the rest of my week is good!

I also find out some very exciting news later tonight. I recieve my Uni offers! Hoorah! Finally! I just watn to know if I got into at least one, then I can start to plan a little. What I would absolutely love to do is move out of home and go into share accommodation, or something. I think it would be really really exciting to do that. But sensibility comes first! It would just be stupid doing that, considering mother dearest is away soo often, I practically have the place to myself half the time anyway. I guess when I start Uni, all my plans for the future can start to come into action. I hope. I will have a timetable, so I can sort out working properly, and then I can deduce if I can perform in some theatre around town. It will all be grand!

Why does everyone seem to be soo scared of the future? I dont get it. I am always waiting impatiently for it to arrive. I want to know what my future holds! Gah! If only we could time travel.

Paparazzi

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar, you know that I'll be
Your papa, paparazzi

I have decided to expand my blog! Just a little bit. I thought that people might what to just see the pictures ive used for each post, independently. So I have created a tumblr! Yaaaay, I hear you say! Well, the address for it is http://gayteenanewmusical.tumblr.com/ , and I have put most of the pictures up, however there are just a few groups missing. I have also added the link to the column over on the right, appropriately named, 'Musical Museum'.

It funny becasue it all started by me wanting to make a folder with all the 'Costumes of the Week' ive used, so people can go back and look. That didnt work on here, so I joined teh tumblr revolution! Haha, hope you all like it! Im still just getting my head around it.

This post, by the way, isnt todays proper post, its just a little bit of information! :D Happy browsing!